Bittersweet Reminders and New Realizations
by LadySword04
Summary: After the trip to Kyoto, Kaoru, Misao, and Megumi each come home with two vials of different perfumes. During her training, Kaoru uses a particular scent that catches Kenshin's attention and sends him off to his room to think about his past.


**Author's Note:** Konbanwa minna-san! I know this type of story is over-done, but I hope you all will read it and find it different from the others that are here on fan. fic. I was thinking about this during the six hour break between my classes on Friday, and felt compelled to write this story! I hope you enjoy…and for those who are wondering, I will get back to Breaking That 'Sessha' Habit of His after this one shot is over. Oh, and I am experimenting with story writing; **I am going to attempt to write Kenshin's thoughts in a stream of consciousness. **

**Disclaimer: **Ok, I Only own Rurouni Kenshin in my dreams, and in the form of the manga and bento box sets that are safely hidden in my room. IF (operative word being IF) I owned RK I would be making this into another OVA or working on translating the manga faster. Hopefully this settles the legal issues…Don't sue me…you won't get anything from me, as Cathy at work says, I am "just a poor college student." Oh yeah, Wait a minute, I do however OWN the Plot! Hope is not lost after all!

**By LadySword04**

**Began September 18, 2004 and Finished November 24, 2004**

"**Bittersweet Reminders and New Realizations" **

A week after the Kenshin-gumi's return from Kyoto, where Kenshin had to both battle Makoto Shishio and then recover from his injuries under the protection of their friends at the Aoiya, life at the dojo resumed its normal pace and feel.

There were meals to cook, endless streams of insults both at the table and away while in daily training sessions, numerous baths to prepare, and of course other chores like the laundry that needed attention on a daily basis.

Today was of course, no exception. Breakfast had already been eaten with the usual insults between sensei and deshi, and the two were currently in the dojo practicing; Yahiko was making up for his lack of manners and negative comments in the form of four hundred strokes while his observant teacher looked on to correct his form.

However something was out of place, different, and it was not just the unusually dark storm clouds in the distance that promised a powerful afternoon shower. Not different in a bad way mind you, just something felt out of place.

After ten minutes of thinking on the subject from his location at the wash-bin where he was doing laundry, Kenshin finally figured it out. Every now and then he was able to catch the scent of a perfume whose particular aroma was oddly familiar yet still unidentifiable, on the cool afternoon breeze that sauntered by.

This breeze mixed the scent with the sakura petals that were currently in bloom, so discerning what the scent was would be next to impossible; even for a nose as honed as Kenshin's. The spring zephyr had just enough of the familiar scent on her fingers to tease the senses. However, Kenshin knew this scent was familiar from somewhere in his past.

**The Previous Week**

Apparently, Kaoru and Misao had done some last minute shopping before Kaoru and the group had to depart for their home in Tokyo. Misao, being the ever curious girl had stumbled upon a unique merchant and his wares one afternoon and was intrigued by the different smells from nature that his vials contained.

After having been denied the right to throw a party for her friends, Misao was determined to show her recent discovery to her them before they departed. For most of the morning from the time Kaoru woke up until well after breakfast, Misao had been asking Kaoru to go with her to the merchant's stand. Kaoru, seeing that her friend would not take 'no' as an answer finally agreed to go later in the afternoon.

Megumi on the other hand willingly accepted as she was itching for a chance to both get away from the annoying tori-atama, and go try out new perfumes. Hey, even doctors need a break!

All three girls kept their plans a secret, and quietly slipped out after finishing their meals. After all, the stand was only a ten minute walk down the street, and there were plenty of people around so the girls were quite safe by themselves.

Upon arriving at the stand, the usual formalities ensued, and the merchant encouraged each girl to smell any vials that sparked their interest. He reassured them that it would be alright too if the wanted to test the contents to see which smelled the best on her skin. After forty-five minutes of sampling and "spot-testing," each of the three girls came up with two vials they really liked.

Misao had decided on a cool lavender scent to soothe her after a hard day of training, and a sweet smelling mix of exotic flowers, most prominent being the hibiscus and plumeria. Kaoru decided on evening jasmine and an intoxicating scent she couldn't put down; white plum. Megumi on the other hand went for the elegant scents of rose and gardenia.

Even better, the merchant lowered his price for each of the women, as having pretty ladies like them around his stand was already drawing attention and business. Happy with their selections and how they had spent their time, the girls slipped into the Aoiya's kitchen to see if anyone there needed any help. Apparently, none of the boys noticed their disappearance or reappearance.

**Back in the present**

Still not able to pinpoint where he knew the scent from, Kenshin put the article he was washing back into the sudsy depths of the washbasin. Rising and both dusting off the suds from his hands and drying them on his hakamas, he began walking toward the training hall as the scent was definitely originating from there.

Evidently, Kaoru had put the perfume on before practice and as her body temperature increased with the physical exertion of training, so did the scent. Kenshin only needed to walk to the door of the dojo before he was able to identify what flower's scent Kaoru had used.

Needless to say, the scent brought on the memory of a long lost love from years ago, and Kenshin had decided to make a silent retreat to his quarters for an afternoon of reminiscing. 'Tomoe,' he thought with recognition as he was making his get away.

He sat down on the floor with the wall near the shoji to his back, and set his sakabatou against the wall next to him. The memories at first came in the form of images. What her face had looked like, what a rare smile did to her countenance, how she moved and talked, what she wore, and mannerisms like staying up late to write in a journal. He remembered the silences, and the talks they had back when she was alive, and then that only brought the memory of the morning she had left, and later died.

**Kenshin's POV**

'In a way, her life was like her journal; empty at the beginning when I first met her, and only halfway full at the end. She died with pages still empty and waiting to be filled with her thoughts, hopes, dreams, and events in her life. Yet, she died before she could fill every page, leaving a void both in the book and in the lives of those she touched by her presence.

Tomoe was there for me to show me that I did not need to be a hardened Hitokiri that had no emotion or friends. She was there to break down the walls that I had erected to keep people out. Tomoe helped me to regain my humanity and greatly improved the quality of my life. She made controlling the blood lust of the Battousai easier. Most of all, she helped me without expecting anything in return because I selfishly needed her to do so.

Come to think of it, she was the sole reason I changed into the rurouni that I am now. She has always been my reason for making and keeping my vow to never kill another human being, and why I wield the sakabatou. I feel as if a part of her lives on in this sword and gives me the strength I need to keep going. In a way, her spirit lives on through this sword. I keep living to this day because of my promise to her; I promised to live **For Her**.

Come to think of it, Tomoe is probably happier where she is in heaven right now. She's finally with the man she chose to be her soul mate and by now I am sure they are enjoying each other's company. If Akira-san still hates me, I know that I deserve his hatred and anger; I stole his life from him, and then took the woman he was intending to make his wife.

I can't help but feel that all this was predestined or mapped out before I was even born. I know it sounds cruel, but it seems like my life with Tomoe was meant to end with me killing her. I can't help but think that some sick outside force coerced me into doing just that. I should have been paying more attention, and been more careful. I let my pride and confidence of and in my swordsmanship skills get the better of me. I was cocky, and in the end Tomoe paid for my stupidity and arrogance with her life.

Ironic, I was the one who went out to save her, and I ended up being her killer. She was so perfect for me at that time in my life, and because of my error, I senselessly ended her beautiful life. We could have been happy for the rest of our lives together, but I had to go and mess that up. Nothing in my life has ever been perfect, and the only happiness I found was yet again taken from me.

I know that the two of us had to learn to both tolerate and love each other, but I truly believe that both of us could have given up our old ways and started a new life together. It's as the wise men in a village I passed through on my journey said, first loves are always the deepest rooted in the memory and the heart, and as such, they never fade.

Even in her death, Tomoe taught me a lesson; she showed the Battousai side of me how much pain I caused others when I killed someone. Because of her I value all life and gave up my days as a Hitokiri. It took her death to show me that what I was doing was wrong. I do not have the right to determine who lives and dies, and I had been playing Kami for far too long in that respect.

Looking back on this as an older and more mature man of twenty-eight, I see the error of my ways and thinking; but back then I was blinded by the need to help people in any way possible. That life was all I knew and I never questioned the morals or the deeper meanings of my actions.

But I also accept that naiveté is not an excuse for past actions. My job now is to repent in the only way I know how, by protecting those that live in this era with my reverse blade sword.

Had her death not happened, I probably would have continued on the path of a Hitokiri only to find more pain and suffering, and after death I would live for eternity in Hell. I had to end my gruesome career before there was no way to ever redeem myself for those sins.

As it stands now, I highly doubt I will be able to repent for my past crimes. But at least I am trying though I know that nothing I do or will ever bring back those that have died.

I am not trying to say that she was in any way shape or form a puppet that was placed on this earth for the sole purpose of dying to teach me a lesson. She was and never will be some child's toy that can be tossed aside.

I also can't help but think that Tomoe took that part of me that willingly loosens the chains that keep the Battousai chained up in the most remote parts of my mind with her when she died. She has essentially sealed him away inside my mind and keeps watch over him to make sure he stays in check.

She must still be watching over me as I know I have felt her loosen the hold she keeps on the Battousai when she knows he needs to be released to prevent my death. However, I think Tomoe is watching out for Kaoru in a way because as soon as Kaoru becomes overly upset or frightened by my transformation, Tomoe slowly and gently pulls the Battousai under her control to the point where I can better rein him in.

It's taken me a while to realize that I am not the only one that holds that monster in check as over the years as I have been tempted to rely on him, I can feel her gently but firmly tightening her grip.

Kami above must have other plans for me, and that is why I am still alive, though I know not why. He works in mysterious ways that are not always known or clear to us. Everything that goes on in our lives is because He has willed the event to happen.

It took me a long time, ten years to be exact, to realize that Kami never punishes us for our actions. Even the most horrible events happen for a reason. Everything that happens has a lesson behind it, and we just need to be wise enough to see what that lesson truly is.

I also truly believe that both Kami and Tomoe led me to Kaoru for a reason; we have both dramatically changed each other's lives for the better. Thinking more on the subject, I do feel that Kaoru and I would be perfect together, but because of my past I will keep myself from making this thought anything more than a boyish fantasy. However, that is not to go without saying that I enjoy the illusion.

If Kaoru could ever love someone like me, I wonder what having a relationship with someone I got to know and understand and then cultivate a love out of our 'initial attraction' (as Sano so eloquently phrased it) would be like. But I must get off these thoughts as having this unattainable dream is getting more and more painful the longer I remain at this dojo with her.

It's funny to think that my life has been blown around by the winds of change. My life is like the wind which starts abruptly, blowing us into different places or safe harbors in which to grow before we are moved on again. I was forced to grow up fast, having been orphaned at an early age, being forced into the life of a slave who never knew a childhood, to then being adopted by my Shisho and learning swordsmanship.

I was safe at home with my parents, only to be forced into the life of a slave later. With Hiko-san I was safe and grew, but I was then blown in the direction of the life of a Hitokiri. The winds picked up again when I met and later lived and married Tomoe, and again when I killed her by accident and began my ten year journey. The safe harbor that I finally ended up was here with Kaoru once the winds died down a bit.

Life toys with us like the wind plays with your hair and clothes. As suddenly as the wind starts, it ends, which is much like all human life in the sense that each wind is different in length, intensity, and personality. Each person lives for a different amount of time. We are here only for a short time. In comparison to the age of the world, we have only been on this earth for an insignificant amount of time; mere seconds in her long history, just like the individual breezes in our lives are insignificant seconds in the amount of time that our lifetimes will span.

As you turn to avoid the wind, you end up looking in another direction and see other aspects of life that hold some interest to you, so you head in a new direction. I tried to avoid life when I was a Hitokiri; I all but gave up my humanity in order to just go about my task without feeling any pain. When I was turned away from this life by a particular breeze, my life changed, and only improved from there. I just hope that life will continue to go well for people in this era, and myself.

All in all, I guess you could say that I was once a river with a steep bank on either side. I flowed along a set path that is life, all the time, but I have still remained the same. I am everywhere at once with out moving, constantly changing but constantly remaining the same and who I am. My two banks were like the two parts of my soul; one could not cross from one side to the other without falling into the deep and fast flowing current that would surely cause you to drown. Tomoe came along and began building the bridge from one side to the other that allowed safe passage, and I feel that life with Kaoru has completed that bridge. As the bridge gained more supports, the fast and raging flow downstream was slowed to a gentle pace. For this sense of peace I am truly grateful.

I hope that life continues to be this peaceful, and that I can one day fully repent for my sins.

**Owari**

**Author's End Notes: **Hiya again! This is my first one shot of Rurouni Kenshin. . .Yet another moment in Fan Fiction history for me. . .Anyways, how did you guys like this? Was it original? Or did I do an awful job with an overdone theme? Let me know what you think, and I hope you all had a Happy Thanksgiving!

Ja-ne until the next fan fiction update!

LadySword04


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